Love Them to the Core?

“Suspecting and knowing
are not the same.” 

― Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief

I receive many questions asking if someone is a twin flame.  Frequently, the reader’s just started dating someone who feels special. Sometimes, they haven’t even met the man or woman they’re in love with, but suspect that person may be a twin flame.

May I suggest you make some effort to better understand the person you’re in love with or spending the most time with.  Even if you’ve been together for a long time, you may have drastically different opinions and perceptions that can eventually lead to conflict.  Do you know what really matters most to someone.  Do they know what really matters most to you?  Do you share the same core values?

What Are Your Core Values?

Core Values are the fundamental beliefs of a person or organization.  Knowing your core values and adhering to them will help you make better decisions, develop a clearer sense of direction in life and stay on-track toward fulfilling your mission in life.

When Core Values Clash

Over the years, I have worked for different companies and reported to many different people.  Looking back on my career history, I recall that certain companies struck me as being great, innovative and supportive firms, whereas other companies seemed stifling, uncomfortable, and full of personality conflicts.  The latter situation usually ended unhappily.  It was the same with individuals.  The personalities of certain bosses were energizing, supportive and inspiring, whereas other employer personalities felt controlling, stifling or just downright hostile.

It took me quite a few years to finally realize that most of the problems I encountered in my career and in my relationships came down to a clash of core values.  For example, I am a team player, but I am also extremely independent.  I have a pitch-in attitude and love to collaborate with people. However, I do not require regular supervision or prompting to get the job done.  In fact, regular supervision, prompting, and tight controls leave me feeling suffocated. A person with a different set of core values would thrive with tight controls.

To date, my favourite boss has been Jim.  After tight supervision during my first three weeks on the job, Jim told me he was satisfied that I knew what I was doing and for the next five years, he left me alone to do my job.  If I needed help or ideas, Jim was particularly brilliant at coming up with solutions when I needed them.  However, for the most part, we both worked completely independently.

I loved my job, worked long hours, and was highly productive.  In that case, my core value of independence was shared by the company, my boss and me, so we all thrived in an environment of freedom.  When Jim left the company five years later, he told me, “Elizabeth, I never had to teach you a thing!  You just went in and did the job.”

After that ideal job situation, I later worked for an employer with the opposite core values.  They prided themselves on their reputation and went to extraordinary lengths to protect it.  Every document was carefully drafted by lawyers and marketing experts.  When I was speaking in public, a professional speech writer had already crafted every word of my speech so that I couldn’t slip-up and say something that might hurt the company down the road.  For further protection, the company established growing list of rigid rules, extensive control mechanisms and hired bosses who were also controlling in nature.  For me, this scenario quickly became stifling, uncomfortable and resulted in instant conflict.  In the end, I quit.  It wasn’t a “bad” company.  It just had different core values than me!

What Are Your Core Values?

Below, circle the values which most resonate with you and then put them in order of priority.  When you put two core values together ask yourself, “Is this value more important to me or that value?”  Continue this comparative process until you come up with a list of ten.  List the ten values in order of priority then go through the process again and narrow your list to just five core values.

Use this process to narrow your list:

Take any two values and choose between the two of them.  Which one resonates more with your core values?  Prioritize the winner and compare it to any other value.  Once again, pick the one that resonates most with you.  Repeat the process until you reach a list of ten.  Eliminate the last five values to arrive at your Core Value Priority list.

Example:

1  Loyalty

2  Love (Compare to Loyalty.  Does Love or Loyalty resonate more?)

3  Challenge(Compare to Loyalty. Which resonates more?  Challenge or Loyalty?)

4  Spirituality (Compare to Loyalty)

5  Industriousness (Compare to Loyalty)

6  Change (Compare to Loyalty)

7  Integrity (Compare to Loyalty)

8  Benevolence (Compare to Loyalty)

9  Respect (Compare to Loyalty)

10  Genuineness (Compare to Loyalty)

 The following will assist you in determining who you really are by identifying
What Are Your Core Values?  

Abundance Bravery Coolness Education Fluency
Acceptance Brilliance Cooperation Effectiveness Focus
Accessibility Buoyancy Cordiality Efficiency Forgiveness
Accomplishment Calmness Correctness Elation Fortitude
Accuracy Camaraderie Courage Elegance Frankness
Achievement Candour Courtesy Empathy Freedom
Acknowledgement Capability Craftiness Encouragement Friendliness
Activeness Carefulness Creativity Endurance Friendship
Adaptability Caring Credibility Energy Frugality
Adoration Celebrity Cunning Enjoyment Fun
Adroitness Certainty Curiosity Entertainment Gallantry
Adventure Challenge Daring Enthusiasm Generosity
Affection Change Decisiveness Excellence Gentility
Affluence Charity Decorum Excitement Genuineness
Aggressiveness Charm Deference Exhilaration Giving
Agility Chastity Delight Expectancy God’s Will
Alertness Cheerfulness Dependability Expediency Grace
Altruism Clarity Depth Experience Gratitude
Ambition Cleanliness Desire Expertise Gregariousness
Amusement Clear-mindedness Determination Exploration Growth
Anticipation Cleverness Devotion Expressiveness Guidance
Appreciation Closeness Devoutness Extravagance Happiness
Approachability Comfort Dexterity Extroversion Harmony
Articulacy Commitment Dignity Exuberance Health
Assertiveness Compassion Diligence Fairness Heart
Assurance Completion Direction Faith Helpfulness
Attentiveness Composure Directness Faithfulness Heroism
Attractiveness Concentration Discipline Fame Holiness
Audacity Confidence Discovery Family Honesty
Authority Conformity Discretion Fascination Honour
Availability Congruency Diversity Fashion Hopefulness
Awareness Connection Dominance Fearlessness Hospitality
Awe Consciousness Dreaming Ferocity Humility
Balance Consistency Drive Fidelity Humour
Beauty Contentment Duty Fierceness Hygiene
Being the best Continuity Dynamism Financial independence Imagination
Belonging Contribution Eagerness Firmness Impact
Benevolence Control Ecology Fitness Impartiality
Bliss Conviction Economy Flexibility Independence
Boldness Conviviality Ecstasy Flow Industriousness

 

Ingenuity Moderation Privacy Self-Esteem Thoughtfulness
Inner Peace Modesty Pro-activity Self-Knowledge Thrift
Inquisitiveness Monogamy Professionalism Selflessness Tidiness
Insightfulness Motivation Prosperity Self-reliance Timeliness
Inspiration Mysteriousness Prudence Sensitivity Tolerance
Integrity Neatness Punctuality Sensuality Tradition
Intelligence Nerve Purity Serenity Tranquility
Intensity Non-Conformity Purpose Service Transcendence
Intimacy Obedience Realism Sexuality Trust
Intrepidness Open-mindedness Reason Sharing Trustworthiness
Introversion Openness Reasonableness Shrewdness Truth
Intuition Optimism Recognition Significance Understanding
Intuitiveness Order Recreation Silence Unflappability
Inventiveness Organization Refinement Silliness Uniqueness
Investing Originality Reflection Simplicity Unity
Joy Outlandishness Relaxation Sincerity Usefulness
Judiciousness Outrageousness Reliability Skilfulness Utility
Justice Passion Religiousness Solidarity Valour
Keenness Peace Resilience Solitude Variety
Kindness Perceptiveness Resolution Soundness Victory
Knowledge Perfection Resolve Speed Vigour
Leadership Perkiness Resourcefulness Spirit Virtue
Learning Perseverance Respect Spirituality Vision
Leisure Persistence Responsibility Spontaneity Vitality
Liberation Persuasiveness Rest Spunk Vivacity
Liberty Philanthropy Restraint Stability Warmth
Liveliness Piety Reverence Stealth Watchfulness
Logic Playfulness Richness Stillness Wealth
Longevity Pleasantness Rigor Strength Wilfulness
Loved Pleasure Risk Structure Willingness
Loving Poise Sacredness Success Winning
Loyalty Polish Sacrifice Support Wisdom
Majesty Popularity Safety Supremacy Wittiness
Making a difference Potency Sagacity Surprise Wonder
Mastery Power Saintliness Sympathy World Peace
Maturity Practicality Sanguinity Synergy Youthfulness
Meekness Pragmatism Satisfaction Teamwork Zeal
Mellowness Precision Security Temperance
Meticulousness Preparedness Self-Acceptance Thankfulness
Mindfulness Presence Self-Control Thoroughness

 

When you have decisions to make, ask yourself, “Is this choice in-line with my core values?” When you adhere to your core values, your life will be more on-track and you’ll feel better. If the love of your life also shares similar core values, then your love-life will be more on track too!