How to Avoid a Broken Heart When You Meet Your Twin Flame

Twin Flames“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” Angelou Maya

In the game of life, we often find ourselves playing the role of slave or control freak. Those who control the cash are kings. Knowledge is power and those who control the information control the people. Lenin said that one man with a gun can control 100.

This post is about love and power. It’s dedicated to those twin flames, and twin flame seekers, who wrote to me saying they were desperate to find love or were suffering from a broken heart.

In the game of love, people who are slaves to their hearts can easily fall prey to lovers who thrive on power and control. In romantic affairs, some people can fall so deeply in love that they surrender their own power to their loved one, without realizing it. This can happen to anyone.

When you fall truly, madly, deeply in love, the feelings can be so wonderfully intense that you’ll do anything to hold onto them. Buddha referred to this as grasping. His cure for grasping was to become aware and then simply detach from heightened emotions. This sounds simple, quick and easy and with regular practice, it is!  However, most of us are on auto-pilot.  When you’re sleep walking through life, human behavior can get complicated.

It seems to me that love is like the mystery of spontaneous human combustion. Love blind-sides us when we least expect it. Instead of remaining calm with feet planted firmly on the ground, our hearts explode, we shoot through the moon, then fall apart.

There’s a brilliant book called “Don’t Shoot the Dog” by Karen Pryor.  In it, she outlines a proven technique to train dogs. You simply make a clicking sound each time they do something right. Every time the dog disobeys a command, you don’t click.  Here’s the thing. When you click each and every time a dog does something right, they eventually get bored and won’t respond to your commands. There’s a solution. Break the pattern.

To make dogs dependent on clicks, you must miss a click or two when they get it right. When you break the pattern of consistent rewards for jobs done well, dogs become confused and think they’re doing something wrong. Next time, when you state a command, the dog pays closer attention and tries harder, in hopes of a getting a click, which they associate with a reward and a good feeling.  In order to feel good again, they begin to live for clicks until you need only need click a few times for the dog to obey a long string of commands.

Surprize!  Human behavior works the same way as animal behavior.

Here’s an example: Boy meets girl. Girl and boy fall madly in love and have a fantastic time.  Guy calls every Wednesday and they go out and have a marvelous time on Friday night. The pattern continues for weeks until, one Wednesday, the phone doesn’t ring. Girl wonders, “What happened? Did I do something wrong?” Confused but hopeful, she waits for the phone to ring, but it doesn’t. She waits for hours, then days, and is about to give up when the boy phones a week later on Thursday and they go out Saturday.  He doesn’t call for another three weeks but finally calls on Friday morning to see if she’s free that same night.  She agrees to go out.  What’s going on?

Perhaps nothing’s going on.  Who am I to judge?  However, if you’re consistently getting your heart stomped on, here are some possibilities to consider:

Scenario a) Boy gets bored with consistent behavior and pulls away.

Scenario b) Boy craves control and (consciously or unconsciously) puts the girl in “training” to make her emotionally dependent on him.  Once he can control her, get what he wants, whenever he wants, he gets bored, pulls away and makes someone else a priority.  When that someone cancels or is not available, he makes a last minute call on a Friday night.

Scenario c)  Boy craves control, puts the girl in “training” to make her emotionally dependent on him.  Once he controls her, he marries her and becomes the master of his domain.  She becomes the slave.

In the scenario b) and c) the boy’s ‘pattern breaks’ throw the girl off, but she feels good again once he eventually calls.  When the couple go out, she’s on her best behavior and is extra careful to “do everything right.”  She can’t seem to relax and be herself.  After that, the boy calls regularly and her heart soars. Then, he doesn’t call again for weeks.  Girl gets upset.  She’s emotionally attached.  When the boy finally calls again, she feels enormous relief but lives on-edge, fearing she will “mess-up the relationship” wondering when he’ll disappear next and why.  She suspects she’s doing or saying something wrong.  He keeps up the training, creating a consistent pattern, then breaking it.  He appears, then disappears (player); or, He loves, then withholds love, until the girl gradually slips into emotional dependency (abusive, slave/master or co-dependent relationship).  In all cases, she knows in her heart that something’s wrong, but the craving for his attention is too strong so she hangs on.

sunflowerThe player and the slave/master relationships can happen in any situation, with couples, between parents and children, or employer and employee.  At some point in our lives, we all try to gain control or are willing to surrender it.  The problem is the degree to which we command control or give up control. The scary part is that, most of the time, it’s unconscious behavior and we’re unaware that it’s happening and it’s running our lives.  I should also mention that women become chemically bonded to men.  It’s part of their physiology.  Do the research.

When you discover the rules to the game of love, it can be tempting to get really good at playing it.  Experts are called “players.”  I suppose, on the plus side, practice makes perfect and players may have phenomenally good lovemaking skills, but I digress.  That’s low consciousness thinking.  Karma is a real so game playing is a slippery slope, spiritually speaking. You’ll never be happy by seeking to control others or by allowing yourself to be controlled.

If you’re heart’s been broken, it may be time to WAKE-UP!  When you truly love yourself, you won’t put anyone else on a pedestal. You won’t be played or commanded by them. Love yourself first for being the amazing person that you are!!!

The people who truly care about you will fit themselves around your schedule in ways that are mutually beneficial. You’ll both be in-sync. Open communication erases fears and doubts. Be honest with yourself first and then be honest with others. RELAX and enjoy life. Pursuit of happiness and love starts from within.

EVERYBODY is amazing when they relax, when they’re authentic, and come from a place of love. If you feel that you need someone else to complete you, may I suggest you start looking for clues to realize just how wonderful you are on your own. Ask those who REALLY love you, WHY they love you. You don’t need someone else to complete you. As Gandhi said, “Become the love you seek.”

Where do Twin Flames rate on the scale between honorable and diabolical?

In my experience, Twin Flames can be the most noble people you’ve ever encountered.  They’re divinely guided, on a spiritual path, and consistently take the high road whenever possible.   However, they’re human too.  Sometimes they “run” because it’s all too much.  That’s okay.  They’ll change the lives of all they encounter so don’t worry about it.  If you feel abandoned, take a deep breath, step back, and detach from your emotions.  You can feel  devastated by a twin flame’s departure for a while but you’re here for the greater good so stay focused.  Let go and get back on-track.  You were born to positively impact the world.  You’re an amazing person and we need you to love yourself first so you can be all you can be.  When you feel self-love within your own heart, you’ll more easily snap back to feeling whole and balanced so you can continue with your part of the twin flame joint mission.  Besides, twin souls are yin/yang and eternally joined at the non-physical hip, so you’re never truly alone and you’ll always reunite, or should I say, re-ignite, on the other side.  In the meantime, if you’re still feeling sorry for yourself, you might purchase a clicker.  Alternatively, here’s a great song to commiserate with.

Elizabeth Rose




  1. Excellent. 2 things! 1. I was always fascinated with spontaneous combustion, convinced for years that I would succumb to this dramatic demise…perhaps it was this longing to be consumed that you refer to here! 2. I am clicker training my puppy…I hate it! It does work but I just don’t have the heart for it. Luckily, my puppy is easily controlled by snuggles and redirection 🙂
    Great post Elizabeth.

    • Elizabeth Rose says:

      Thank you! You’re so energetic, if you spontaneously combust, we’ll know because it will look like fireworks lighting up the night sky …and would be one massive click for the puppy. 🙂
      Light, Love & Joy!

  2. Great article, it is hard getting over someone with whom you feel like you are “home”, but like Gandhi said “Become the love you seek” 🙂
    Thank you for this article, put some things in perspective for me.

  3. “Love, generally, is that principle which leads one moral being to desire and delight in another, and reaches its highest form in that personal fellowship in which each lives in the life of the other, and finds his/her joy in imparting himself/herself to the other, and in receiving back the outflow of that other’s affection unto himself/herself.
    Such is the LOVE of GOD!

    • Elizabeth Rose says:

      Thank you for those beautiful quotes. In searching for the love of our twin soul, we are ultimately seeking the love of God. Once reunited, we become whole again and ride God’s tidal wave of love and light, back to the source, from whence we all came.

  4. I can, definitely, relate to the clicker/grasping part!! haha oopsies…I did that for a little while when he started to pull away. The weird part is, I knew I shouldn’t try to force it, but I felt like I was possessed or something!! The whole time I was like “AAHHH! What am I saying?! This is not me!!” I think it was the shock and intensity of what I was feeling. It was a feeling I’d thought I would find since I was a kid, but shrugged it off as ‘unrealistic’…it’s hard to explain. Having it actually happen was pretty mind-blowing. I was scared to let it go, because I thought I’d lose that part of myself I had found when I met him. Now, I’m at a point where I am following my intuition to find that feeling of ‘home’, Samya mentioned, all on my lonesome 🙂 As hard as it is at times, this has been the most rewarding ‘non-relationship-relationship’ I’ve ever been in!!

    • Oh wow! That’s sooooo funny! You’ve described my journey exactly. I particularly liked the non-relationship relationship part…. :D))))